I woke up this morning wondering who that masked woman was who had been writing on my blog without my permission. You know, the crazy one who feels old and useless.

Shceesch. Don't know. When I wake in the mornings now my eyes open to the most beautiful sweet gum tree in my neighbor's yard. It's been turning for almost 2 weeks now. Seeing it when my eyes pop open is such a treat. I'll lie in bed looking at the leaves for a while and memories of fall and cool crisp mornings inevitably come wafting.

In my dreams I wrestle with a past life that is so much longer and so much more part of my marrow than this one is. New marriage, new house, new city, new friends, new dogs, it's all so different and yet I'm still the same old me. So during the day I forget my dreams when people I haven't seen in years pop in and out saying strange things. That's what sunlight is for: to burn off the mist, the mist, the fog, the darkness.

When I sold my bread at the Farmer's Market I realized something. I love bread. I love the process of bread. Heaven knows I've made my share of it.

But Billy's diabetic and whole wheat bread, believe it or not, is not good for him. I just can't buy it that a good slice of fresh bread now and then isn't a good thing.
Well, when we married I just gave up making bread. I bought 50 pounds of wheat three years ago and it's taken all this time to use it.
I realized that my bread making is a skill I've perfected over the years. It's like knitting or making a dress(it's not that hard, but it still takes practice). I used to have a little business at Christmas. I'd bake rolls and loaves of bread. I bought a really good mixer when the children were little, and a wheat grinder. I was converted to baking my own bread and grinding my own wheat by some women at the Mid-South Fair. They were in the demonstration booth. It was like a thunderbolt. I just knew it was what I wanted for my family and I talked my husband(Jimmy) into buying it for me with the condition that I would pay for it by selling bread. And I did.
The idea of selling fresh bread, from freshly ground whole wheat is very appealing to me. I've been thinking about it a lot. In fact, yesterday I googled sour dough starter. I used to make the best whole wheat sour dough bread. Everybody had a sour dough starter back then. I started on yesterday. I'll let you know how it turns out. That's it in the jar. All that's in it is flour and water. I'll feed it every day or so and it should start bubbling.

Another thing that makes me feel better about life is my yard. I bought pansies yesterday and planted them. I dug up my caladium bulbs to put in the basement.  I saved my amaryllis bulbs from Christmas last year.

I put them out in their pots behind my rain barrel and beside the boxwood shoots I'm propagating. That way I wouldn't forget to water them. I read that you're supposed to fertilize them so I did that during the summer. Here they are. Now I'll wait until they die back some. Then I'll put them in the basement for about 6 weeks and let them go dormant. Around Thanksgiving I'll get them out and start watering them and voila! I'll have amaryllis for Christmas.



And for a little extra cheer, there's always Gertie lying in the sun of a cool October morning. She doesn't like to have her picture taken.